Someone asked me this week if I ever get used to what I do. While I’ve certainly grown more experienced, I pray that it’s something that never becomes routine or so second nature… that holding a malnourished dying baby will always feel raw, will always have a heaviness to it, and will always move me to tears when things don’t go as expected.
…and just this week, things didn’t go as expected. Sunday, we left for a baby girl who was nearly 4 months old and weighed just 5 pounds. When I arrived, her tiny nail beds were cyanotic, the skin between her ribs sunk in and pulled together as she gasped for air, and her eyes stared blankly, lifelessly at the ceiling. Her eighteen year old mother paced the floor, worried as I quickly assessed her. The paternal grandmother wept in the background- large tears streaming from her eyes and settling into the deep wrinkles on her face that were likely brought on by a life of hardship and working in the heavy Guatemalan sun.
We carried the feverish, frail baby back to the ambulance where I immediately applied oxygen. The pulse oximeter read 52%. We rushed to the closest hospital as quickly as we could and hurried baby Heidy inside. I helped the staff to start IV access and get labs while the other nurses set up an oxygen hood and fluids. Once things calmed down, I talked with Francisca (the baby’s young mother) and prayed over them. That was the last time I would ever see them as we got the call yesterday that Heidy didn’t make it.
There are a lot of words that I can use to describe this type of hurt… but I stumbled across this Franciscan Blessing and would rather share it instead as it describes my feelings with much more eloquence, and much less curse words.
May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.
May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, hunger, and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8
Be kind in all you do, the world needs it.
Love,
Whitney
Some beautiful before and after shots of babies in our care now:
