When I woke up at 5am, I had already decided my mood for that day. I wish I could give you some fantastic missionary answer and tell you that despite my circumstances, I had chose joy… but I hadn’t. I was irritated. My face burned hot with anger, a trait that I unfortunately inherited honest from my Dad.
The night before, a transformer had blown, leaving our house and many others without power or water. The nighttime temps of course were in the 90’s, the air was still, and mosquitos kept zipping in through the windows and persistently buzzing around my face. I covered myself up with the sheet and got hot. When I’d uncover myself, the mosquitos went into attack mode on my arms and legs. Have you ever tried to sleep when you’re frustrated? It’s a vicious cycle of being angry that you can’t sleep, and not sleeping because you’re too angry to do so.
I learned in the morning that my frustration could become a vicious cycle too. When I got ready, I carried my frustration to me into work. I was tired, sweaty, covered in bug bites, I clearly had gotten ready in the dark, and I somehow managed to sit in a puddle of cat urine on one of the outdoor couches. I hate cats. At this point, my attitude was as ripe as my odor. Everything stunk.
It wasn’t until I pulled up the demographics of the baby we were going to get that I realized what an ungrateful piece of work I had presented myself as that morning. You would think that I live a life of 24/7 gratitude when you see the things I see on a daily basis. I love where I’m at, I love what I do, and I’m thankful we have air conditioning.. but it’s amazing how quickly I unraveled after a night without electricity and water.
We were heading to a really remote village La Ceiba in the mountains of Camotan to pick up a baby in a village that I’d visited many times before.
“Did you notice where we’re going?” Alfredo had asked me. I shook my head yes.
“How about the baby’s last name?” I opened the message with the baby’s demographics.
“He has the last name as Valentin,” I responded. It was then that I found out we were traveling to pick up the nephew of one of my patients.
I sunk back into the seat of the ambulance realizing that I couldn’t carry my ungrateful attitude back into the same house I had visited before. I opened a blog post that I had written the day Valentin passed away. (click to read previous blog)
The words in bold I had written that day were both salt and salve to my wound. It burned, knowing how I had acted like a petulant child that morning. It healed me, knowing that The Lord had provided me this 2+ hour long journey to pull myself back together. I bowed my head and prayed as hot tears welled up in my eyes. “Lord, I know it’s only 7AM and I have acted a complete fool. Please let me honor Valentin and honor you in how I carry myself today.”
When we arrived to the small house made of palm fronds, sticks, and plastic tarp, we were greeted by the same brother and sister in law who had presented Valentin to us. Only this time, we were there for their malnourished son. We all started crying as we reminisced Valentin’s earthly body. Though very sick for the last few years of his life, Valentin carried on a legacy of joy and great faith through every one he ever met. He never complained– despite years spent in severe poverty, severe sickness, and severe pain.
Could I ever be like Valentin? Could I ever be full of joy despite my circumstances and surroundings?
Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Renewing of your mind. As I sat in the back of the ambulance, holding Valentin’s sick nephew, I realized how things truly come full circle. I pray that my mind is constantly renewed with joy, with gratefulness, and with patience. That even when I’m exhausted and covered in dirt, bug bites, and dry cat pee, that I don’t allow negativity to creep in. How dare I even for one second have the right to be frustrated, knowing later that day I would be face to face with a family that lost their young brother and was now struggling to provide for their malnourished baby. May we never forget the blessings in our lives. I pray my mind is renewed and the overflow is thankfulness, even, and especially, on the hard days.
What are you thankful for today?
-Whit
